What the Teller Told

"You have a talent for writing. You have to spend more time on it."

Well, shit.

Ashleigh and I were trying to kill time before brunch. We were so proud of getting ourselves out of the house before 10am on a Saturday only to discover that no place opened for brunch until 11:30. The city that never sleeps... except for Saturday mornings, in which case, come back in, like, an hour?

We chatted on a bench for awhile, but that turned out to be a talking point for the City Sights double deckers. We are now featured in a lot of touristy photographs that will be captioned "New Yorker girlfriends drinking a cappuccino and a chai latte on a Saturday morning." Moving on.

As we rounded the corner of Zena's, a psychic on 7th, we stopped and looked at each other. "Want to get palm readings, just for fun?" Ashleigh and I are both fairly sensible people, so we both fully expected to fork over $20 and have a good laugh at some hogwash about our destiny.  We were not expecting, you know, intimate and disturbingly accurate details about our lives.

"You have a long life line. You will probably live until your late 80s." Yea, yea lady. I'm so sure. I travel solo, I'm a terrible driver, I let strangers into my house, I live in Baltimore, and I'm insanely clumsy. If I make it out of my twenties alive, it'll be a real twist of fate.

"You will never depend on anyone in your life. You're very independent." Ashleigh giggles. Alright. Lucky guess.

"You've had a very stressful... several... months." Well, yes, parents divorcing, selling my childhood house, quitting my job... sure. But hasn't everyone had a very stressful several months? I mean, have you seen the unemployment stats, Zena?

"You're torn between two career paths. You like to help people, so you're drawn to careers like a teacher or social worker. But these jobs make you very unhappy. You don't like the lack of control; you need more independence." Go on... "The other part of you is very creative. You need a job where you can be independent and creative. What do you do?" Um. I just quit my teaching job in a fit of frustration to pursue a job in marketing. "You have a talent for writing. You have to spend more time on it." Yes, Zena. You're so right. I'm trying. I will. Tell me more, tell me more.

"Do you have a history of twins in your family?" Uhh, just my father... and his cousins... "Be careful: they're hereditary." I'm going interpret Zena's cautionary phrasing to mean, "If you don't want one, you definitely don't want two. Lock it down, down there. Lock. It. Down."

Zena continued to explain that recent health problems have been caused by the stress in my life and will go away soon (so I can stop thinking I have cancer).  She called me out on my tough facade and sappy interior. OK YES FINE I SECRETLY CRY AT WEDDINGS AND ROMCOMS AND SOMETIMES COMMERCIALS LIKE THAT GOOGLE ONE THAT IS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL.

She knew that I never totally forgive transgressions against me, but don't seek revenge, either. (You're welcome.)

The good news: Zena seems to believe that I'm on the upswing.  Huzzah! "2013 will be a very good year for you." It's about damn time.

Oh, and I will have one long happy marriage to someone with whom I have already crossed paths. I really wanted her to expound upon this crossing of paths - like, someone I follow on Twitter? Because, I would like to keep Paul Rudd in the running.  So, gentlemen, if any of you are secretly in love with me, call me maybe?